I Think, Therefore I Play by Andrea Pirlo

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I Think, Therefore I Play – Andrea Pirlo with Alessandro Alciato (translated from the Italian by Mark Palmer)

Oh good, another footballer’s autobiography one hears the book buying public exclaim at this BackPage Press publication. However, this small Scottish publishing house is building a reputation as nothing if not surprising, innovative and imaginative in both its list choices and its execution of what ought to be standard fare.

All of us interested in football know that Pirlo can play. He has been the de rigour hipster football man crush since he scurried onto the scene at Brescia in the late 1990s.

Few people can control a game, caress a pass or steer a free kick, like the man.
If you’re not familiar (a, shame on you and b, why are you reading this?) have a look here:

However, he also appears to have a way with words hitherto unexplored. Sometimes, this can be quite moving in its simplicity, such as when he explains to team mate Alessandro Nesta that he will be leaving AC Milan, saying simply, “I kept him up to speed with everything: step by step, tear by tear… I cried and I wasn’t ashamed to do so.” Not the sort of phrases one can imagine in the memoirs of a contemporary British footballers. Or even past British footballers if it comes to that.

There is remarkably little in the way of ‘the gaffer told me to go out and do that so I did.’ Instead, Pirlo seems to view himself as an almost metaphysical embodiment of Italy and – by extension – of calcio itself. The “wandering gypsy” on the pitch is translated into words with wit and insight by both Alessandro Alicato and the translator Mark Palmer who both do a superb job.

To be sure, Pirlo has got a healthy dose of self-confidence. “I would never have got to feel like just another guy. A normal person… The Pirlo I could have been but instead never became. They treated me like I was nothing special.” These are big words for any man and, in less skilfully written texts, can make a reader feel queasy. However, Andrea Pirlo gets away with it for a couple of reasons. Firstly, he really is one of the all-time greats and, secondly, there are lashings of humour.

An already oft-cited example is the chapter on Milan’s signing of much-maligned Dutch forward Klass-Jan Huntelaar which is a comic master class from the writer interspersing his thoughts on the club at the time with the occasional exclamatory – “Huntelaar!” – to make the point that this really didn’t meet the standards of our Andrea. This chapter is worth the £9.99 admission price alone.

Perversely, the only real criticism I have of the autobiography is that it strays too far from the conventional. I learned that Pirlo is a cultured man, a fragile man and a vastly more interesting and intellectual man that we seem capable of producing in our own home grown sports men. But there was sometimes too little of the back story. I know almost no more about his growing up, his relationship with his parents or his wife than I did at the beginning.

It would appear that Pirlo’s beguiling obfuscations and sleight of hand are not restricted merely to his feet.

I Think Therefore I Play in Five Words
He Thinks. You Should Buy.

If not now…

If not now…
He was sitting in his chair reading when the doorbell rang. He closed the book; put it on the side table, stood and went into the hall.
Weak late evening sun shone through the stained glass inserts. He brushed his arm against fabric of the over-crowded coats and pulled the door open. “Evening, George,” he said extending his hand. They shook. “Come on in,” he added. “Do you want a cup of tea? Or would you prefer coffee?”
“Coffee would be great, thanks.” They made their way down the hall to the kitchen. He got out two espresso cups and their effete saucers and placed them on the table. They sat on the wooden chairs.
“What’s the news, George?” George seated himself opposite him. “Nothing with me.” He took a sip of the espresso. “We’ve missed you at High Table, you know. Is it true? Are you really going to go ahead with this?” He grinned. “Of course. Quite excited actually. Nearly all packed and everything.” He drained his espresso and put the cup back on the saucer.
“If you say so, old boy. I was just wondering if this was the right time…”
“I think it’s the perfect time. I’ve always wanted to work out there. The position is an enticing one, Providence has more coffee and doughnut shops per head of population than any other city in the US.” He smiled. “Got to be the perfect time.”
George thought for a minute. “But without Sophia, I was just –“
“Sophia’s not here, George. There’s nothing I can do about that now, to misquote Willie Nelson. No, no, Providence, Rhode Island, it is for me, I’m afraid.”
“Well, at least you’ll be able to indulge in your bizarre country music taste over there. I’m still not convinced that you can satisfactorily be a professor of history in a country younger than this cottage.”
He gathered the cups and set about getting out a bottle of iced water from the fridge. “Stuff and nonsense, George. We’ve just been working in this cloistered community too long, that’s all. I’m looking forward to it, I really am. Besides, I can’t help thinking that Professor James Pearce, Chair of the Joukowsky Institute for Archaeology and the Ancient World at an Ivy League university has a nice ring to it. Now, do you want a real drink?” George nodded. Pearce went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine. “Last one we’ll share of these for a while, unless you and Sara want to come out and visit me.”
“I’m not sure that Sara is really a doughnut and coffee shop type of lady, I’m afraid.” He drank. “How long is it going to take you to settle in? Surely you’re giving yourself a long lead in time?”
“Brown have set me up with somewhere in an area called College Hill, which sounds appropriate, if nothing else. But I’m not going straight there anyway. I’m meeting an old friend and taking a trip to Alaska.”
“Alaska? You truly have lost your mind. Since when have you been a mountain man? Do you even own any tools?” James laughed. “None whatsoever; just some welly boots and a pair of gardening gloves. But… Well. Sophia and I had planned the trip and I thought, what the hey. I’ll go anyway… Changed days or not.” They sat in silence for a moment and regarded their glasses. Pearce coughed. “I’m flying to Fairbanks, meeting my friend and then renting a, what do they call it? An “RV”, I believe. Driving up the coast to a charming destination called “Deadhorse”. We shall be fishing in the Arctic Ocean, camping in the woods, avoiding Sarah Palin-alike ‘soccer moms’ and driving back after three weeks to take a flight to Seattle. From there, I will be driving in my own quiet way to arrive in Rhode Island after a lazy 2,500 miles give or take.” James nodded. George reached across the table and wrapped a hand around the wine bottle. He poured a healthy glug. Then he took out his pipe and tobacco and began filling the bowl. “What will you be fishing for?”
“I can’t say I know really. Largemouth bass, I expect.” George puffed at the pipe. He ran a hand through his whitening beard.
“Isn’t the Largemouth bass found only in southern states such as Georgia and Florida?” James grinned at him. “That will teach me to gently mock a don of Marine Biology, won’t it?” George laughed. He pushed the bottle back across the table. James said, “Actually, I have no idea what I’ll be fishing for. Lucinda hasn’t specified what fish are available up there. I think the trip is more important than the destination. Her husband recently died and I think, by the sound of it, she’ll just be grateful for the company.” Now it was James’ turn to re-fill his glass. “Will there be many Pleustonic organisms for me to investigate while I’m freezing to death in the frozen wilds of the north?”
“Shouldn’t have thought so. They don’t many Portugese Man-o-wars up that way.” His pipe had gone out. Pearce bustled off to get an ashtray from the back of the cupboard. George said, “Who’s Lucinda?”
“A college friend of mine and Sophia’s. Was anyway. I haven’t seen her in a long time.”
“Is she American?”
“God no. She’s from Basingstoke. An environmental scientist, as far as I know. How she ended up getting stationed in Alaska to track hectograms of animal feed or some other such ghastly project, is just something I shall have to discuss with her during the hours on the road. I’m certain it will be a fascinating tale.” George looked skeptical. “Was Lucinda coming on the trip with you and Sophia?”
“Of course she was, George.”
George busied himself with packing away his pouch and pipe. George coughed, “What’s your first topic of research when you get there?” Pearce brightened. “Ancient History of China 101. Paleolithic carbon dating, the use of fire by homo-erectus and the history of the Xihoudu in Shanxi Province right through both the Yellow River and the Yangtze River valleys in the Neolithic era. Not a bad start to the semester for drunken undergrads and credit seeking miscreant sophomores, I wouldn’t have thought.”
The wine was finished and George rose and pulled on his coat. James got up and placed the glasses on the sink and the bottle in the recycling bin.
“And you’re sure this is the time, James?” Pearce bowed his head and looked at his feet. He straightened and moved the glasses into the sink. “I’m sure. Thank you. Tempora mutantur nos et mutamur in illis, and all that. Now is the perfect time, I think.”
They walked down the hallway to the door. The streetlamps had replaced the sun. At the door, George turned to say something. Instead, he put his hand out. James shook it.
“Take care, George. I’ll see you soon.” George nodded and headed out into the night.
James turned and headed back to his armchair and book.